As I’m not much of a television person, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Made-Mad and I don’t sit down and watch televison together. I always find it amazing there are 2 billion channels, and yet none of them really have anything worth watching. But since SWMNBMM recently broke her wrist and hand surgery to implant a screw the size of Rhode Island in her arm, I felt I should comfort her, After all, all she asked of me was to sit and watch a show with her.
After I went and got her something to drink.
and the TV remote
And some popcorn
And her phone, and turned out the light … only to have to help her out of the bed to go use the restroom … and then do it all again.
I’m not sure which is worse, having to do everything for a one-armed woman who never gets everyting from the kitchen on the first two requests, or sitting still for 2 hours … Maybe its the latter. But, being the great husband I am, I endured both punishments in silence. Beside, I had already made a big bowl of popcorn …
I can’t even tell you the name of the movie I watched. It was about a guy who lost his memory. I guess that is how forgettable it was for me. The last show I think I actually sat through might have been The Godfather or maybe Rocky Balboa. But, the movie did what it was intended to do, SWMNBMM took her pain meds. fluffed her pillows, sat back under the cover and went to sleep … only occasionally waking up with a groan, or to get another drink while I watched a guy homorously try and piece together a life he couldn’t remember by doing things he didn’t he had ever done, with people he couldn’t remember if he had ever met.
As I sat there eating popcorn and watching a movie, I realized just how fortunate I would be if I ever lost my memory. I promise you, SWMNBMM would have no trouble doing whatever is needed for me. She knows all of my information, what I like and don’t.
She can remember things from a billion years ago that I have long ago placed in the dumpster in my brain. It’s actually pretty amazing.
After a while, SWMNBMM woke for her nap and asked what I thought about the movie, to which I gave her the “it was alright” answer.
After a brief pause, I thanked her for knowing all of the information that I would need should I ever lose my memory. I thanked her for knowing my driver’s license number, birth date and where I went to school.
“OK?” she questioned. “Why are you thanking me for those things?”
“Well, after I watched this show, I realized that should I ever lose my memory, you know enough about me to make sure I would be OK. I have nothing to worry about because you could take care of everything. I know, without a doubt, I would be safe.”
She smiled.
“You’re welcome,” she said. “I’m sure you could do the same thing for me.”
I shook my head from side to side.
“You better buy you some dog tags,” I said. “I’m pretty sure if the police come to our door saying you had forgotten your memory … you would be in trouble. You know I can’t even find my shoes most days.”
Just so I don’t forget this later, I don’t care if they call it a “soft” cast or not, they still hurt.
On the bright side, she didn’t ask me to watch another show on the telvision with her.
Tommy Wells is the editor of The Skagway News. Everything in this column is true, except for the parts that are fabricated, made up, or are just plain lies.
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